I want you more than these girls want KFC
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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