So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
