remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
