she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
