Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
