I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
