found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
