Pregnant stripper...not hot.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
