I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize