you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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