while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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