Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You need Xanax blowdarts
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
