I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
