I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
there was a trapeze. enough said
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Two words: blizzard sex
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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