Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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