Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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