i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
