its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
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I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
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i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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