So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
