Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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