We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
