i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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