I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
