he wants to bone in the snuggie
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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