i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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