We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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