How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
