How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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