my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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