ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
