And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
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I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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