Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
