i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
