If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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