I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
