they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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