I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
