My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
