It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
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He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
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I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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