I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
