I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
