I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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