The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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