One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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