People in love make me want to vomit
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
