Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
