i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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