we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
