You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
