I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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