does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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