Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
