true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."