highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.