drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
