you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?