he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.