only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
