Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
