Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize