I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
babies were throwing up all over the place
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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