Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
