As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
