why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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