we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
