why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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