he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
