You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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