I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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