I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
why do cheetos always look like penises
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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