my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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