My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
