Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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