I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
